My eyes are opening and I laugh

But where is the happiness?

My eyes are closed and I cry

But I don't know why I'm crying...

Cried and Laughed

What is left in the heart?

I don't know...

"I don't mind..."

"I used to it..."

Has already frozen my heart

The flame doesn't burning anymore

Why I'm laughing?

Why I'm crying...?

Maybe it just a simply emotion expression

It's Time To Get Back

So long no blogging already

This blog where I leave so long

I wish I will never back

I wish I will never speak the truth of me again

But still it can't be prevented...

I'm quite busy nowadays

Keep on organizing one and another gathering

To fill up my emptiness and loneliness

Yea... I'm really able to do it...

I have the ability to gather all the people from different area...

Hahaha...

I'm smiling along all the gathering I have made

Doing all the different things I want to try before...

But... Am I really smiling...?

No... it's so fake... even I can feel it's fake...

Nobody knows... And I don't want to tell anybody...

I used to alone... even lot of people is around me...

But no one touch my heart...

Is there any meaning?

I'm able to gather lot of people

But I'm always not able to see an only person I want to see...

Sometimes I feel so ridiculous...

Now I can't even know inside my heart...

Is there still anyone stays?

Or I'm lying to myself that's somebody stays?

I can't speak the truth to anybody anymore...

Not even the one I love the most

Or the one closest...

I don't know why I will be like this...

So hiding myself...

Or I just too afraid of hurt...

I close myself up...

Until no one can see me...

And not even me can control anymore...

Why I'm crying?

I don't know what is the cause...

Love? or Life?

Maybe I'm already being so cold to everything

The heart is crying because of the fallen of me

That his owner doesn't hear his voice anymore

That his owner doesn't care his will anymore

His owner choosing the path of cold

Choose to forsake everything even his truth self

I can hear the voice of my heart no more

And I found no one to teach me how to do that anymore...

Just be it...

I don't have to change myself because of emptiness...

Or I just suit to the life...

I no need anybody else...

I can live by myself...

Get back to the way... get back to the duty of life...

It's the time... Even you have forsaken yourself...

You must completed the task God has given to you...

"This world is full of ugliness and chaos

Human within this world who has the right to be sad?"

I, don't have the right to be sad... too...

I can be much more stronger...

"I want to travel after my SPM!"

"Haha it's good, I dreamed to do it last time, but I didn't do that"

"Nvm you still young you can do it!"

"Then I think I have to travel alone xD"

"Travel with your partner!"

"I once planned to travel with her the end of this year... But..."

One of msn friend suddenly talk about this

I thought about you...

But in facebook chat, in front of you...

I hold my mouth...

Do not say I love you...

I hold my hand...

Do not type I love you...

Sorry for so much

Sorry I love you still...

But I won't tell you...

I keep try my best to act in front of you...

I won't let you know

I still love you...

Sorry I love you...

I think I can bear it...

Just like how I did last time...

I can did it again...

I can be much more stronger...

Even I'm crying like rain fall in front of LCD...

At the other side of you...

You will never know...

I don't want you know, I'm sad because of you...

That's what I can do for you still...

Sorry for how much I want to tell you

"I Love You"

I still want to travel with you...

Will God give me such a chance?

P/s:

A guy who keep crying makes people feel irritate right?

So just keep smile... even you are suffer...

There might be no one love your smile

But surely there is no one love your tear...^^

Forgiven and Forgotten

Please ask yourself...

Have you ever let someone to hurt deeply?

Have you ever pay all of yourself to someone...

And that person choose to turn around on you...?

Have you ever want to hate someone so much...

But you don't know how can you hate them?

Have you ever fell in this dilemma?

Forgiven, is such a beautiful word

It's like a perfection

You can say it, write it, but can you do it?

The scar, will be always there...

You can choose to ignore it...

Close your eyes...

Don't see it...

And treat it as you have already forgive that person who hurt you...

But still... you can feel it... you can feel the pain always

Whenever someone try to touch that scar again...

It will be always the shadow for you...

Forgiven, is not Forgotten...

This experience,

Will always be a shadow of your life

Whenever someone seem to do the same

It makes you feel pain...

You are become protective

You are become doubtfulness

You heart has built a wall for it

So that no one can touch that scar

And it makes, love can't heal that scar too...

Because love can never go through a high wall that you build for protection...

If you ever hurt...

Do understand

It takes how much courage

To forgive someone who hurt you

To pursuit your heart accept the scar that person left on you

To bear the pain so much so much...

That you can't hate 'em...

Because you know, you love 'em...

Forget... it's such a stupid word...

If human can choose what to be forgotten...

If you ever hurt somebody

You ask him to forget

That would be easier for you

Because the one who bear the scar is not you

If someone ever hurt you

And you ask to be forgotten and forgiven...

What do you feel...? Ridiculous...?

If you ever hurt somebody...

Please don't ask him to put down

Please don't ask him to forgive

Please don't ask him to forget...

If he ever say yes... it just a big lie over there...

You have already hurt him once...

Please don't force him to hurt himself too for twice...

He paid all for you... even his pride... his freedom...

Is all for you...

You denied all of those...

And you ask him to forget about what he has done...

You are surely to be kidding...

Because the one who pay, not you...

Human, no matter how hard they try to do

They will never be God

Forgive and Forget to hurt that someone even make to them

It's a perfection

It's a God's work

Something that human can't achieve

They can act nothing at all

They can still smile to you

They can always help you

They can always accompany you

But their heart are bleeding under their smiley mask

You will never know

Because you never care about it

They will never tell you too

Because they know you will not care about it

Even they only exist when you need them

Still they doesn't turn their back on you

Because

They are those who really love you

Which make them can't hate you

Like you father and mother

They never leave you

Even you kill them

If you ever want somebody to forget and forgive

Please ask yourself first

Can you do it?

If you don't want somebody to feel pain for you

Please

Don't hurt them.

Please don't apologize

It doesn't compensate anything

You left a scar on their heart

Sometimes that will probably influence whole of their life

You won't know

If you ever lie somebody

Maybe s/he will never trust anyone again

If you ever fail somebody

Maybe s/he will never love again

If you ever hurt somebody

You might just create a criminal that will do the same like you

This is a Sin

Humanity is not an excuse

We born to be doing better

Not to follow the ugly flow.

Please don't tell me these words

Unless you show me you can do that

If not you're just bullshit

Envy...

"Why u disappointed me too?"

Huh...? Why my tear fall down when I send this message?

*Sniff sniff*

*Tissue wipe away*

I have already know who you are...

And I understand you will never be the one I wish...

But maybe...

In the deeper of my heart...

I still hope you're the one who won't disappoint me...

That's why he feels sad...

A real hurt inside my heart...

That can never be denied...

I'm not blame...

I really don't...

But just sigh...

Why you are the another one who failed my hope...

I just wish you're different than Chris and Phei Chi...

Why I'm so down again...?

Maybe... I just so envy of you...

You are having all the things I wanted for so long

I have done for so much...

Just to get those things you have now...

Maybe it's shame a guy compare with a girl...

But just I feel so angry and unfair...

This girl she does nothing much in my eyes...

How can her deserved so much?

Still she wants to blame so much...

And I did everything my best...

Why I have nothing at all in the end?

I can't blame at all because I feel it's childish...

So ridiculous... I even envy on you in the end...

I still believe...

I will deserved the real happiness in the end...

God... Wish you will see me...

I'm still doing my best...

You're the one I care

But...

Can't deny that...

I have already treat you the same like other...

Just the another rubbish...

And I feel sad...

Because I really wish...

You will not be rubbish in my mind...

But what to do...

You did all the things I hate...

Even I loved you so much...

I want to treat you so good also...

The bad image you left in my mind...

It will never fade away...

And you didn't even try to erase it off...

You didn't even cherish the relationship I try my best to last...

You know? You hurt me before...

And I try my best to forgive you...

Don't ask me to forget...

Unless you able to move the scar on my heart...

It will always be there...

You understand it...

I just able to forgive you once slashed on my heart...

But I can't rub off the scar on my heart...

Because I love you so much before...

Sorry Felicia

I keep run away from the fact...

I love you but...

I know...

I can't forget how these two girls hurt me still...

And I always doubt you will do the same on me...

You ask me not to do that but...

I really can't...

That's why... you feel unsafe...

And run away from me...

Maybe... I'm the one who really hurt you...

I'm the one who really failed you...

God, I will try my best...

I know I shouldn't complain so much...

I will do what I can do...

Just wish my heart doesn't alone anymore...

I really need some accompaniment sometimes...

Pathetic Apologize

Opps...

I'm sorry...

I forget I only exist when you need something from me.

Resignation

Today, I resigned

Heavy rain on the way back

I'm wet by the rain

I'm thinking along the way back

"What I want actually?"

Feel so empty...

"I know... I know what I want... But..."

My tear is falling...

"Shit... I'm so weak..."

I will work hard

I will study hard

But will you see it?

Inception

If you live a long time over there

Will you still able to differentiate dream and reality?

If you can ever live in your perfect dream that you build

Will you ever want to wake up again?

If you have the ability to build the dream

What will you do?

Inception, Extraction, or build an everlasting dream for yourself?

If that's me, I think I won't get out from the dream

To live in the reality I hate

I rather believe dream is reality

If Cobb didn't have son and daughter in the reality

Will he able to pull him out from the dream by himself?

Frankly speaking...

I always wonder is this life a reality or illusion?

Are the things around me is fake or truth?

I feel so unsafe, so unstable, so doubtful to my environment

I ever think I'm not existed in truth...

Am I just keep living in this fake world?

A world that I don't like somehow...

I think this is why I feel the inception is easy to understand to me...

I'm having the same thought about this movie...

And my personality, is close to Mal...

I want to wake up...

Believing this world is just a dream of me

That's why I not trust to everything here...

Everything is fake...

And the only way for me to wake up is...

I kill myself in this dream...

No... I shouldn't continue this thought...

It will leads me into destruction...

My brain is so pain... After all this thought...

If I able to incept some seed of idea in my mind...

Won't it fine also...?

It can change whole of me... into another person...

So I won't be so suffer anymore...

I might lose myself entirely...

But at least I won't realized it...

I don't know...

This is so confuse...

Am I actually living?

Or I'm just in a nightmare...

If that's it...

Please wake me up with a Kick.

X Strong

Neko hide in the rain

So no one actually see he is crying

I'm hide in the darkness

So no one could see my chest actually bleeding

I'm not strong

I just build a tall iron wall to protect my fragile heart

Complain useless

Because it can't bring back my happiness

My heart is still broken fragments

It won't be cured unless I pick it up by myself alone again

Because I knew

She is not around anymore

Except accept this fact silently

Nothing that I can do

I have done my best

I have tried my best to love

I still believe love

But now

I afraid I no more can believe any other people can show me the love I wish

I'm not giving up my heart

But just afraid everything is fake in the end

As I pay so much of heart in the fake that I thought is real..

So... I rather be pathetic and coward

Hide my heart in the safety place

Wish the hurt will never repeat again

I find no one who can really keep my heart nicely

Still... no one...

Those three people I trusted so much before...

All have failed me... left my heart fallen with no mercy...

I don't want to let more people to fail me...

I afraid in one day...

I can never trust again... I can never love again...

I can never be myself again...

I'm not strong... I'm not cool...

Just those past build me up a high iron wall

That blocks external damage

But also, keep me in an alone region.

I wish I will found the light

But why is my heart feel so dark even so much I have tried...?

Still... I can barely see the light...

Warrior of Life

Do not surrender

No matter how bad the situation is

This world might be a ruin

Filled up by darkness

But no matter how

The light must left

Although this heart has broke into fragments

Nobody will help

I will pick it up piece by piece by myself

No matter how hurt is this lonely path

The heart will be fixed one day by me alone

Believing all these will somebody cherish one day

Believing all these will be seen by people one day

Believing all these will be worthy one day

Even my life destined to be sorrow and grieve because of disappointment

"I left no regret to my life" will be on my tombstone.

Hands won't let go my sword

Even my body and heart has corrupted

The will of fight will be left over

"You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period." - Pursuit of Happyness

Miss You

Every people live their path

Every people live their path

Some people can't make it

Doesn't mean you can't do it

Don't have to care about what people talks

Just do your best!

Even with no good end

At least you can say you have tried!

Rather than those who never try

And just stand there complain

I complain

And I have the right to do so!

That's what I'm proud on myself

I will be strong and stronger

One day even I don't get a good end

I won't complain

I will keep it all in myself

And step ahead

That day

I will be a really tough one

This world is too pathetic

Even it's taking my life

I won't surrender myself to this pathetic world

If that's must

I rather suicide

That's all

That's me

Everyone live their own path

And I'm born to live the different one

I know someday I will meet someone like me

Who can hold my hand and walk the same path with me

And I will never be alone again

Somewhere in this world

I know there is a soulmate to me

Just the problem of time

The time haven't come yet

I'm believing.

The feeling someday it will pour back by someone destined to be

Only in love, the feeling is needed

In this world, the feeling is needless

Kind and care just put aside

Until I meet someone who deserve it

Smile no matter what...

Now I realized...

When I feel lonely...

I want to find someone to chat...

There really don't have one...

Everyone is busy for their studies...

For their game...

For their partner...

For any stuff...

But not for me...

I spend too much time on the one I love...

And lost all the friends I have...

But my love never cherish what I have done for them...

Most of the people after break...

They have friends will be around them still...

But I have to stand by my own...

Face all the things by my own...

Because I was spending too much of myself to my love...

Sometimes... I wonder... Issit worthy?

I never regret to be with them and pay all my best...

Even no one ask me to do that...

I'm doing my best as I'm trying to do all the right thing no matter how...

I don't care what others tell... I'm fighting for the long lasting relationship...

I even said that I need no friend but only someone care about me...

In the end... It's become a gamble...

A unworthy gamble...

That I bet myself on the table of love...

All In for this gambling...

When I lose, I will lose everything...

Argh... it's okie...

As I all in, I have prepared for this end isn't it?

I'm used to be loser in my life...

Nevermind...

Even no one can beside me...

I will stand up by myself...

I don't like to show others I'm weak also...

I will still do my best...

Regardless of what others' talks...

I will be the all winner in the end...

Even I lose again...

At least I can said

I'm the one who tried to be the best in this world...

I'm different with others...

No matter what...

Sorrow... Emptiness...

I will take it over... Hang on my shoulder and keep going...

I will tell others...

Even with this weigh I have taken...

I will not be beaten down!

Smile... No matter what...

Even you're not happy in fact...

Hiding and lying to self is the best tools to overcome all the things...^^

Vanitas

Vanitas

Which means "Emptiness" in Latin

I'm used to talk and smile

But the emptiness in heart never filled up

Even I wish someone can fill up the hole in my heart

But I have already used to be alone

OR I just can't find anyone to fill this up for me anymore

Being so tough already

Doesn't need anybody comfort and accompany

(It's good if have? haha xD)

But the my heart has already been emptied

Innate Personality

I'm like a cat

It's like an innate personality

I can make no change

I love to live like a cat

I love to act like a cat

Love to manja the one I love

Love to play and kacao people with my paw

A cat which is loyalty

A cat which loves water

"I'm a neko soul who is hidden under a human body...

Waiting for someone who I can manja forever...

For so long I have wander around the city alone...

Yet I believe there will be somewhere belong to me...

And there will be someone that will revive and take care of my soul...

I will finally be a neko without hiding once again...

Meowie... ^^"

Humanoid

God is crying

But I'm no longer have my tear

After all I have done

It's all just a stupid effort which nobody cares

Sorry

I have lost my heart

I'm no longer the man I was

Even I can tell you all about this

I feel no sadness

It's all emptiness left

I'm no longer lovely...

Just a human

Without a heart.

If this is how the world should be

God

Please don't make me into this world next time

You gave me an angel heart

But I'm not angel anyhow.

It just meant to break over here.

Dying Wish

God bless me

Not letting me being a heartless angel

Heartless

I'm working hard nowadays

Doesn't stop my hand on works

Doesn't stop on trying to call for supplier and retailer

It seems good

I'm fullfilling my times

I'm doing all good

I'm fine, I work hard for my future

My future will be all fine if I work hard

But

Why I feel so empty...?

Emptiness...

It's getting bigger and bigger whenever I stop my hand...

I can't sleep...

I stay in front computer

But doing nothing...

I want to chat with someone

But I don't know what should I say...

Or maybe I don't know who should I find to chat...

Even I chat to someone I loved before

I have nothing to talk with her...

A merely greeting is what I can do...

Another her

I once thought she might be a different one

The one who can make me feel alive

But I think... I was wrong again...

I'm becoming more soulless after she left

It's like

"I'm used to this"

I already used to this kind of feeling

I used to the bad end

And I didn't say much this time

I have already become lazy to say anything

I feel

I'm starting to lose my emotion

I'm no longer feel love...

I'm no longer feel happiness...

I'm no longer feel sadness...

I'm no longer cry...

It's all fell apart now...

I'm no longer feel the existence of me...

I didn't want to ask why anymore

I feel lazy to everything

I just do what I should do

But

I have no feeling for what I'm doing now...

I'm just being

So heartless for now

Am I...

Completely lost my heart?

After all I have done...

When lover has to be friend

Sometimes

Love must come to be the friend

I will get used to

The phone doesn't ringing for your income message anymore

Less a people that always say good night to me

The hand less a hand to hold

My lips can never touch your lips anymore

I have to face everything by myself again

When I feel sad, I have to stand by myself and overcome all the obstacles alone

I can not hug you and feel your body warm anymore

I will get used to all of those

Even it takes time

Even it hurts

But I know

In the end

I will get used to everything I don't want to

Because

Love can't be force

Maybe we just meet each other in a wrong time

Or we are not the right person for both

At least

I love you once

Walk the Talk, if not, don't talk ^^

If you don't want to see me cry

Please makes me smile

If you can't do it

Just let me act like I'm okie ^^

Love & Leave

I try my best to love, and now, I have to try my best to leave.

My tear doesn't worth a people to hold in anywhere.

Fated to cry and fail on the love.

No matter how much I try.

No matter how harder I do.

No matter how serious I am.

Still I found no one can show me what is love.

God, when will you shine your light on me?

Lead me to find someone who will cherish my love.

How I can ever believe to love?

If you set so many failures for me

To make my heart become harder and harder

Even when the truth love is come

My heart have already became a stone

Which is tough and strong

But possess no feeling anymore.

It takes very much courage to be with someone who don't wish people know

Yea... It makes me feel heavily unsafeness

In fact I don't like it so much

I'm a guy who need feeling of safe

I need someone to hold my hand tightly in front of everyone

I wish to tell everyone “I love you” loudly and you will smile after it

But I know with you I can do nothing else like that

Even it's like that also

I will try to endure it and take all of those weigh to love you

I believe one day...

You will give me all of those

Because you are different with other girl

I believe you will give me different life other than those girls who hurt me

I just want to love you truthfully like I always wanted.

Never Say Give Up

Do you think I'm give up so fast?

I won't

I will prove you I will really do my best for my love!

Do you think you can stop me to love someone?!

You won't!

No matter how many obstacle you set

I will crash it all down

Jump over all the bullshit blocks infront of me

As long as she is after the obstacles!

As long as she is not giving me up!

I can't be around her

So What!?

I still sing a song to her through cellphone!

I won't Give Up So Easily!!

I'm Chariot!

Even is you who block in my way,

I will just crash you down!

I will prove you!

I'm different with other people!

People follow with the bullshit flow

But I'm not!

You will understand one day,

I'm just one of the few in your creation that will make you proud!

No matter how many test you set for me,

It won't beat me down!

Unless you end my life!

God You Are Really Kidding Of Me.

It's not the first time.

Why you like to pull me into heaven

But step me down from heaven to hell

When I think I'm granted?

Lonely Relationship

It might sound funny and immature...

But sometimes I just wish someone will accompany me...

Why can't you be that someone...?

I thought even message, calling or chatting at least

But seem like you just not the one who will do that for me...?

It's not about distance problem

It's the feeling of nothing

Even you said you love me and treat me as your boyfriend

But I feel NOTHING from you...

You might hold the girlfriend position for me

But you didn't really treat me as your boyfriend...

Isn't it?

Can you don't let me feel alone with you... please...?

If I can trust

I will

But problem is

I'm so protective for myself after all I have gone through

Please

Understand me why I'm being so protective

If you love me

Please give me more confident on you

I'm trying to trust you fully

This really takes my courage to do that

Don't say I'm not trusting on you

I'm really trying my best as I love you

I love you

But how about you?

When I say "I miss you"

I just wish you can beside of me

When I say "I love you"

I just wish you can love me more

When this two sentences are hard to come out from my mouth

Because I afraid you can't beside me

Yet you won't love me more...

Even all the things are done

And I wish to do more for you

But will you love me more?

Sometimes I don't say doesn't mean I don't mean it

But it's just too hard to say out

I just too afraid I'm the one who hurt in the end again...

Issit I think so much?

Or the love just can't last long?

Feeling so unsafe to love...

Why...?

Maybe I just can't forget how I hurt before...

I'm so need of love yet I'm so scare of love...

Hahaha...

Ridiculous me...

Sometimes just do your best

And no matter the end is bad or good

Just don't care about it

Good, you stay

Bad, just leave away

Invisible Love

It's hurt to have an invisible love

I just wish I can tell you "I Love You" openly...

I will wait you... Please make my believe come truth once...

Others have disappointed me...

Wish you are the one worth me to wait...

"I Love You" is easy to speak...

But it takes so hard to tell someone "I will wait you"...

Please cherish it... would you...?

I'm so afraid to love... really so afraid...

Because it hurts to see the one I love so much leave me one by one...

And I'm wondering what fault have I done...?

Suffering within the cycle of pain...

Makes my heart become lifeless and lifeless...

What makes me so pain?

Just because I really love someone...

Who can persuade himself with such pathetic reason?

I know no one...

Make a wish

Make a wish

Wish everyone will be live happily

Wish everyone can live without any problem

Just wish

Everything will be fine ^^

No matter how further

The link will never break

No matter how long

The promise won't be break

No matter how also

We will stay happy together ^^

Make a wish

That we can hold each other hands and go through everything ^^

Farewell, My Bro

Badminton Trickshot

Suddenly...
I love badminton... =P

Rapture

Even Jesus wish to take me along...
I think I will reject...
Because I can't left my loves over the Earth to go along the pain themselves...
I must beside them even I have to die!

Migraine

Pain pain pain...
My migraine come back again...>.<

Ouch my left brain...

How come the migraine never leave me away...

6hours left....
You still need to lie on the operation bed for 6hours more...
Please tahan... You will be fine...!!!

I'm sinful...
Don't know what I'm thinking...
Don't know who I can tell with...

I try not to think...
But mind it can't stop...

I don't know what can I write...
I'm afraid to say the truth right now...

The Way You Lie + Not Afraid Mashup

Watch this it's great...

"We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone"

36 Hours

In the next 36hours...
She will be in the operation room...
Fighting with her gastric ulcer...

The operation date has advanced...
Now she is having high fever...
Which is complicated by her gastric problem...

I don't know whether such operation is dangerous or don't...
I wish I can face it positively...
But the fact tells me it's not really good...

I don't know what can I do...
She don't tell me where she is...
I wish I'm beside her but...
She just don't want for me to see her pale face...

Pray for her is the last thing I can do...
Please...
Bless her... She will be fine after all...
We haven't start yet...
Don't let it ends here...

*Suddenly I feel my stomachache pain too...
Did my organ links to her too...?
How is her now... I really wish to know...*

I will wait

If you can give me a promise
I will wait...
No matter how long it will takes
As long you show me that you worth to wait...

Anyway...
I'm good in waiting if you really worth me to wait... ^^

Baka Malamute =P

S/he is so cute... omg...
Adorable... >.<

Pain

Today everywhere get pain...
Stomach pain...
Leg pain...
Head pain...

I don't know why suddenly the physical pain so much...
And one thing...
My heart's vessel feel stuck again...
Pain and uncomfortable...

Argh...
I'm so tired too...
C'mon...
Those are all the symptoms...

After Husky and Malamute...
I love one species again...

It's....

Australian Shepherd!!!! ♥

Courage

If you ever have courage to give up...
Why don't you insist...?

I have prepared for you,
only wait for your nodded head now...

See?
Even I'm afraid so much...
I decided to accept you...
If you really love me...
Why you want to worry so much?

This Dog So Handsoommmeeee~~~

This dog is so handdsommmeeee!!!
Argh I like it so much!!!
But sigh I don't know what it called... >.<
Wish someone who knows can tell me T_T

You're in my dream again

You promised you never leave me
You will always beside me when I'm down

At least
In dream
You promises still works...

I miss you suddenly...

Hope Everyone Smile

I hope everyone can smile truthfully...
No matter who I love
Or who loved me once...

Shadow

Sorry for the untrust
But sometimes I just don't know...
I feel like...
You will be another one who lie me again...
I'm too sensitive...
And too hateful for lies...
Even though I'm lying...

Anyway...
I will try to trust...
God please,
Bless me trust into right person this time.

I'm so worry...
So worry...
Where are you...?
Why you don't reply my message...
Don't pick up my call...?

Afraid

I know...
I'm afraid to miss someone..
I'm afraid to drop my tear...
...
Or I should say...
I'm afraid to love...

No matter how many intensive training I have...
Even My appearance is as hard as metal...
But my heart still as fragile as glass...
More lovestory just left much more scar on the glass...
Make it much fragile and fragile..

Maybe I left no many years left
I don't dare to ask for happiness...
But at least not for unhappiness...
Please allow me to leave with smile..
My heart feels pain again tonight...
I left sleepless again tonight...

It's about time to give up...
I can't afford to disappointment when I love you
Because I found my love and trust started growing on you
But unfortunately you disappointed me tonight entirely...
God... Please... I really need someone...
If she is who you send to me...
Let not her disappoint me once again...
Let not her remind me the shadow of my ex left...

Miss someone who don't miss you
Is a suffer
Is a grief

Sigh that I always miss someone who don't miss me

It's Past...

Back from the Jusco
Passed by the Highway beside Seberang Jaya again...
It's quite long... I didn't take this road anymore...
It's almost 1year... since the day we broke...
I'm on that road again...
It's dig out the reminiscence of us...

I still remember...
You was hugging me tightly and napping on my back in that very night...
I hold your hand tightly and shocked by Simon suddenly pass through...
And we laugh loudly...
It's like just happened yesterday...
It's so close... Yet so far away...

I told myself...
It's passed...
It's already a past...

Even I'm driving a same motor...
But you are not around anymore...
I'm using the new bag...
The Golden Lock no longer lock on my keychain...
And you... Have already move away from there...

There is no Mushroom anymore...
There is no Coconut anymore...
I'm telling myself...
It's all past now...
I'm moving forward... and you too...
We can't hold each other hand to go on the future...
I once believed it will, but now it's impossible...

Tonight... Suddenly...
I feel the Coconut again...
I know, he must miss that so much...
But it's all past now...

Don't know how much time we will have...
Maybe 2012 everybody is going to die...
Maybe I just can't hold that further...
Let's just live our remained days to the fullest...
So we will have no regret... ^^

Live To Win!!!

Everyone has his/her own problem
We shouldn't involved ourself in other's problem
We have our our own problem too right?
Let's settle our life before getting involve in other's life
Let's live! To Win!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Frustrated, degraded, down before you're done
Rejection, depression, can't get what you want
You ask me how I make my way
You ask me everywhere and why
You hang on every word I say
But the truth sounds like a lie
Live to win, 'till you die, 'till the light dies in your eyes
Live to win, take it all, just keep fighting till you fall
Obsessive, compulsive, suffocate your mind
Confusion, delusions, kill your dreams in time
You ask me how I took the pain
Crawled up from my lowest low
Step by step and day by day
'Till there's one last breath to go
Live to win, 'till you die, 'till the light dies in your eyes
Live to win, take it all, just keep fighting till you fall
Day by day, kickin' all the way, I'm not cavin' in
Let another round begin, live to win
Yeah, live, yeah, win
Live to win, 'till you die, 'till the light dies in your eyes
Live to win, take it all, just keep fighting 'till you fall
Day by day, kickin' all the way, I'm not cavin' in
Let another round begin, live to win
Live to win
Live to win
Yeah, live, yeah, win!!

Stupid Await

Wait so long until I messed up all my schedule >.<
Haiz...
Always tiring with it...
Have to drag my plan again...

(Plan to go Penang ask for my transcript and ptptn today
Actually follow my friend go to Komtar buy shoes
All cancelled for you...
Argh... I'm stupid...)

Don't understand why always I'm wait for your answer but you just don't care
And I must be the one who keep question you if not I won't get the answer...
*Sigh, keep scold myself stupid again*

But anyhow
I can't let this negative feel stay in my heart so long
I shouldn't waste life for unnecessary sad now...
I must tell myself "Get away from this sadness!!"
Because maybe once I closed my eyes
There might be no another day for me
My day is numbered, I shouldn't waste it anymore ^^

Wish I'm the different

Let's smile...
I wish I can be different for you...
Can be someone you can trust...^^

*My heart suddenly feel tingle just now*

Someday I will gone

I don't know how long can I hold in this world
If I really having such a disease
It will strike me down at any moment without notification
Without any chance for me to speak my last word
So... I think it's better I record it down...
Before any bad thing really happened right? XD

To Dad,
Dad, you have work so hard for us
Even you can't give me what I want
Or even you can't give me what you should give me
But never mind, you're really doing your best for us...
I can see it... So I won't blame you...
As I live in this kind of family...
It makes me stronger than others...
It makes me independent than others...
Even compare to others I might not have anything better than them...
But at least, all the things I have, I earn by myself...
And thanks to your teaching over all my life time...
Sorry that I can't do anything to you...

To Mum,
Although I feel sometimes you're just annoyed
Sometimes you like to ask something you will not understand
But as I have answered your question you are just like to ask repeatedly
Sometimes you just don't believe me that I actually know better than you and dad
You just keep say me overrate myself
But I know... the fact is you are really care about me...
I know you just don't want me to get into trouble...
Even you are not working
But I know you're really tired with the housework
We treat you like a maid most of the times
But you know... sometimes I did want to help...
But I'm just too lazy la... sorry la mum~~ xD
(Anyway I did help sometimes right? =P)
Even though I said that your cook is not healthy, oily and fat...
But actually no matter how, those are the best food I have tasted in my life!!!

To Elder Bro,
I don't know how are you going in KL
Although we keep argue last time
But I still remember that you treat me so good at the kid time
Even I still don't know why you changed so much after you go to secondary
Anyway... You are my elder bro forever...
Wish you really live a good life in KL la...
And please... Come back often ah...
I think dad and mom miss you sometimes...
Anyway they're still your parents even you are quite isolated in family...
Don't forget our kid time we once happy together right?

To Younger Bro
Oi~ Don't play too much game la~
In the end you will walk on the wrong path that I walk before you know?
Me always ask you to study English ah
That must come in handy someday d!!
Don't always treat my words as wind ah!
If I have gone, you have to take on the responsible for the family already you know?
You see you so clever in console game
I know you're not stupid liao d
You still my bro right? You won't be much different with me d!
Just you haven't open your mind only xD
Anyway, take care la, my forever and ever lovely bro
If I gone no matter will beat your head and ask you to massage anymore
Don't miss that I always bully you ah~ xD

To Younger Sis,
Mei I think you're the only one who can be the best student in our family ady le
Don't waste your talent ah~~
You should know now knowledge is important for girl ady
With knowledge you don't have to rely on guy anymore
And ya don't go find someone who will treat you badly to be your bf ah in future
If I see it I sure phek cek d!!! xD
Don't know what to say with you la anyway you have to take care also la
Don't act like a tomboy la like that later no guy want you ley xD

To the one I love and care,
If this day is come
I have to go no matter how
Please take care yourself
Don't let me worry about you ^^
Before I might make you sad, angry or feel annoyed
I apologize to you...
Maybe it's caused by me too love you and immature...
I too desired to have you...
In the end I did a lot of malicious action...
Anyway... I wish within my life time...
I really did brought you some happiness...
That you will remember forever...
No matter what I did...
I just wish to see your angel smile...
Remember to be happy and always ya...
Sorry if this day is come, I can't accompany you anymore lo... ^^

Please read this, if you hurt by love

Read it with all of your heart
(No matter you're male or female)
♥ = someone you love

You used to wake ♥ up every morning
If ♥ sleep lately you will scold him/her
Because you worry about ♥ hang out with ♥ friend overnight
You dislike ♥ sleep lately unless you're beside ♥

When ♥ bad mood, you will pujuk ♥, cheer ♥ up
♥ don't eat breakfast you will be angry
Because you feel that breakfast is important for ♥'s health

Everynight you will make a call with ♥ before ♥ sleep

When ♥ face any problem at outside you will hug ♥ and comfort ♥

You always let her lie on your shoulder when you two watch tv in home

Everytime you two argue you must be the one who apologize first no matter you're right or not,
then pujuk ♥ back... (and a lot more)

But in the end ♥ still want to leave you away, you have no idea...

♥ only treat you as a passerby who treat ♥ very good in ♥ life
♥ won't feel you're so impress ♥
And you're not that one ♥ love the most
How ♥ will remember you? care about you?

Sometimes you don't think so much,
You just want to treat ♥ the best with all your heart,
Because you really love ♥ so much

But, in the end ♥ still want to leave you away...
What can you do...??

This is not your fault, is ♥

Frankly, ♥ can has how many gf/bf, can treat ♥ like you do?
So tolerate ♥? So empathize ♥? So love ♥?
Let's think about it, is ♥ who don't appreciate you,
That is not your lost but ♥!
Because you're someone who love ♥ so much!!
Anyway you can just find another one
(of course as ♥ gone away you will feel hurt and miss ♥ a lot)

At different place there will be different people will be appeared
And so there must be different people who will waiting for you
Why you have to be sad for such a people who hurt you?

You hide at the corner crying, you alone, you lonely, you feel so hurt and sad, even it makes you change so much
Would ♥ know all about this?
♥ now might be so happy when sms with another person
But look on yourself, you're crying?
♥ don't love you, ♥ won't find you anymore
Even you can do everything for ♥， ♥ don't love you, no matter what you do ♥ won't feel touching, instead, ♥ feels you're annoying.

Why you still being so stupid?
Why you still do so much for ♥?
♥ won't sympathy you, won't feel you're pity, because ♥ already have another one who accompany ♥
Then do you think ♥ will still care about you?

Even you sms ♥, ♥ also won't reply you so much, sometimes even don't reply you
Then you， issit you want to keep waiting for ♥ reply?
Wait one day? two day? What do you get in the end?
Still the same, ♥ still no reply you.
Last time, ♥ will reply no matter how busy is ♥
But now? Why ♥ didn't find you anymore?

Let's me tell you... Because ♥ has another person accompany ♥ already
That another person maybe have already sms with ♥ when you and ♥ still together
Maybe that another person is a pretty girl/handsome boy,
Somemore treat ♥ very good, very care of ♥
Maybe they always hang out together behind of you
Let's think about it... Will ♥ find you anymore?

You might tell yourself...
"I will wait for ♥" (although it seems like so great)
But have you think about it?
If you wait for 1 or 2 years...
♥ still don't want to come back?

Maybe within this period...
Someone likes/loves you...
But you tell him/her...
"I'm waiting for ♥" and reject him/her...
Isn't it means that you wasted that 1 or 2years times and youth?
Does it worth you to do that...?

Maybe few years after...
♥ come back again...
Of course you will be very happy...
And ♥ will always beside you like last time...
This means a good thing for you, it's happy...

But... Do you ever think that why ♥ come back suddenly?
Because...
♥ found no people accompany ♥ anymore...
♥ feels so boring, ♥ want to find something to kill ♥'s boredsome
Then, finally ♥ think about you, how good you treat ♥ last time...
♥ might tell you that ♥ still love you or something like that...
But actually... ♥ found no person willing to accompany ♥ anymore...
♥ found no person can be rely anymore...
No person wants ♥ anymore...
This doesn't mean that ♥ still love you...
Just ♥ want somebody to accompany ♥...

If ♥ really love you... ♥ come back early ago already...
Do you need to wait for 1 to 2years?

Try to ask yourself again...
Is this something you called as "love"...?

You lost ♥, you still have many many friends will accompany you...
They will intro you a lot of guys/girls to you...
Yourself alone hides in the home is useless...
Sad, hurt, tear, love, miss, they will always flowing around you...
Just hang out with your friends more and more, even though just to has a tea tarik~
Because, stay lonely... can never help you to forget someone you loved the most...

Tell yourself!!
♥ just a little part of your memories...
♥ won't see your tears drop...
Because inside ♥'s heart... there is no existence of you...

You still young
Still have much times...
To find someone better...

*Thanks for read*

Don't doubt, it's translated from Internet =P

Sad Case

They are innocents...
Sigh...
You both are ex-police and policemen...
Why...?

Talented ^^

We complain about our life unstoppable...
But looks... What have he done while we are complaining? ^^

Medical Report

I took my report this morning
I not really worry other organs in my body
But my heart has shown many sign to me that it is not healthy

Well even the heart area every data shown I'm under the risky level
Doctor said overall I'm still okie
But as I thought
I can't be just feel easy for that
Every data of the heart area almost risk the risky level
The risky level is about 50
I get 49
It means if I still don't take care of my diet
I might get heart attack soon

I think, the heartache must be caused by my blood stuck
I told doctor the problem I faced
The doctor ask if I want can take further check in the hospital
And also show the report to the hospital doctor...
The blood test is not enough... I have to check the ECG and so-on...

I afraid one day I might leave suddenly....
But before that....
I wish I can complete all the thing I wish to do....
So I can leave with no regret...
It's no time to feel sad now... ^^

Smiley Dream

Dunno why
My dream included you again
Inside you smile like an angel
The smile I will never forget
So pure and cute...
It reminds me every smile scene of yours in my mind...
I really miss your smile so much...

This life we might not able to be together...
But if I'm able to be human next life...
I hope my next life you will live along with me...

This is called as ""Truth Love"

Girl : "LeiLei,open the box when you miss me,I've saved all of my love inside the box and I'll never bring it away.Dad said that we'll be coming back when the situation is getting better.You must wait for me..."
Boy : "I won't go anywhere else but wait you at here...if you can't see me at here,try to look for me at the school..."
Girl : "It is too late!i must have to go now!i'll write to you,you must wait for me,wait for me..."
Boy : "I won't go anywhere else but wait you at here..."

Ella : "is that what so-called 'the oath that never faded'?"
Selina : "The love between them at that time was so deep!It is just like other than just love,there is a kind of responsibility."
Hebe : "it is so hard to understand this kind of firm belief...how much do I wish I were she,so that I could meet a guy who loves me that much."
Ella : "But...No matter how firm they hold their belief,they can't escape from the rapidly changing great era..."

1989 Taipei
Son : "Mum,I've found it..."
Mum : "What is it?"
Son : "I've found...I've found him...He is still alive...living alone for all these years..."
Son : "Mum,are you okay?"

(The lady,sitting at the room and sighing...thinking of the past...)
Boy : "I want us to be in this way for whole of my life...Why,don't you have the same thought as mine,do you?"
Girl : Emmm...I do,but I want it for more longer,longer than a lifetime..."
Boy : "We will be together for a lifetime,for a few lifetimes.For every lifetime,no matter where you will be, you must wait for me until the time I've found you..."

Lady : "I want to see him...anyway...it has been such a long time..."

Selina : "So,she really goes to find him in Shanghai all alone?She is so brave..."
Ella : "Ya,if I were she,I would do like that as well.40 years have past...of course I would like to know how does he look like now..."
Hebe : "Do you think he has been alone for all these years just because of her?"
Ella : "Ya...it's for sure..."

2004 Shanghai
(A part of the song lyric...)
I love you, I'd dare to face any fate which is as yet unknown.
I love you, I'm willing to let you protect me, at the ends of this world.
Sometimes I really don't understand you, yet who truly understands themselves.
Often the depth of the relationship between two people, is tested and proven through hurt and hardships.

Selina : "For the past 40 years,he holds his belief of her love by using only the wooden box,but why then she doesn't wait for him?"
Ella : "The women at that time must get married no matter how.May be she gets some pressure from her family,too!"
Hebe : "Some more,there is no hope for her to go back."
Selina : "Finally,they see each other..."

Boy : "Don't be afraid whenever you are in trouble,I won't leave you..."
Girl : "I must follow you no matter where you go..."

(At the clock tower)
Man : "I afraid you can't find me,so I have been teaching at the school for all these years."
Lady : "You must have known that...we...why don't you get married?"
Man : "I have promised you for a few lifetimes,and it is not only this lifetime..."

(At the tea house)
Man : "How are you doing for these years?"
Lady : "Ya...not bad...my husband treats me very well,and I've got 3 sons as well as a grandson."
Man : "This...you have alredy told me that in the previous letter."
Lady : "Oh...right.But,for all these years...I am only worrying about you..."
Man : "You look healthy..."
Lady : "Sigh, I have become older then before.Time flies,we have become old..."

(Home)
Son : "Dad,do you want some more?"
Dad : "i am full,take your time."

Man : "When I am down,I will take a look at it(the wooden box which is given by the young girl). My mood will get better after looking at it.Actually you haven't leave me for all these years...But...I am not dare to open it anyway..."
Lady : "Why don't you open it?"
Man : "Because...I afraid once I open it...you will leave me forever and ever..."

Selina : "What have they do now?"
Hebe : "Everyone seems tobe in suffer."
Ella : "Um..."
Selina : "They should feel better after seeing each other and there won't be any regret for them."
Ella : "Em...they have seen each other and known that he/she is doing well,so she goes back to Taipei in the next day."
Hebe: "What about after she has home?How is she gonna tell her husband about this?"
Ella : "She says..."

Lady : "You let me go back,let me pay what I owe to him..."

Ella : "Uncle Wong has made a decision,he decided to let her go back to him.He has even brought a house and give the money to her to be her marriage present..."
Selina :"This kind of love is really heart-touching..."
Hebe : "Uncle Yan is more greater,he has been using almost all of his lifetime for waiting for her."
Ella : "I think,they are the people who understand 'love' the most."

Lady : "You must take good care of yourself."
Husband : "You too..."

Young girl : "I love you!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can never do this...
But this can teach people how to love truthfully... ^^
(It's a real story oh!!~~ ^^)

Do you still remember how to smile? ^^

(Note: Remember close my music player ya XD)



Don't talk...
Silence...
And watch this...
Sometimes we no need a sound ^^
--------------------------------------------------------------
People said, ladies smiles is their prettiest time...

Love is just like DotA..

"A real man just like Roshan
No matter how much times he been hurt
He can still able to stand up
However he still gift his aegis to someone who hurt him"

Where you beside me
I'm happy...

Ermm...
Don't know what to say...
Headache...

See how = No way

"see how, depends my mood."
"I lazy do this and that"
okie...
I give up...
I really don't want to see your mood...
Really tired when I hear that...
It's really a terrible word for me now
Frankly speaking, I AFRAID THAT...
囧....
You make my mood damn bad once I hear that...
Issit so hard to hang out with me?
Haiz... sigh...
I don't want to see your mood... okie?
I don't want to see how it swings without a reason
I don't want to feel that you just don't want to hang out with me

Okie...
I give up....
I give up on invite you...
So tired to invite you...
10 times 10 reject... Sorry la it's too hard to accept it...

Life Decision

Now is 4.50am
Just back from my father shop

Today
Everything is just too rush
Yee Chong's push me to decide earlier with the job
I just no prepare yet for it
Even it sounds attractive for the post
But yet, I understand something deeper than it
Which makes me less interest for it

It takes up almost whole my brain to figure out what should I choose
And it even caused me unable to sleep tonight
Although I was ready everything to sleep at 12am

I know, I just need someone to talk
Someone that will tell me something meaningful to clear my mind
I go to One Station, find for that girl again
I know she won't tell me any useful thing, but I just someone to talk

Accidentally, I met my elder brother type friends
Seven and Sotong, they told me that what should I do
They show the future for me, and why I shouldn't go for SP
And hell yeah... I quite agree with them...
In the end I never talk with that girl although she keep caress my head
I met somebody who is much meaningful and helpful to me...

But still... I still don't feel sleepy...
Suddenly... I change the road I take that originally go back my home
To my father shop...
I feel, I should tell him these...

Dad, should I say that I'm really your son?
Your thinking are so similar with me...
What you said to me, I can find no place to disagree
Actually, I already know what I want...
But dad, you made me clear indeed...
To tell me what I want, from other mouth...

Why I have to wasted my ability
To manage an internet cafe? To manage a computer shop?
In the end I'm still working for others
Salary is low, much dangerous, and less thing to eat
In the deepest of my heart, I have already know that bring me no future?
Just that post really attract me...
But it just an illusion...
A manager which has no money, a boss that don't own a shop by himself...
In the end I still working for other!! what is the different!?
somemore it doesn't bring me the chance to rise up into much higher place
Why do I have to do so? I have studied 2.5years for diploma!

Thx Dad, thx Seven, thx Sotong...
I think...
I found my way now... ^^

Try to do something to make you happy
But seem like I'm just not the one who could make it

Just wish that I can still do anything for you
Before everything is too late

But I think the end
Leave you away should be the best for me to you
As I might annoyed you
I better keep silent

That might be my biggest care to you
I can't make you happy
But at least not make it worst

As I don't feel good when I know I can't do anything
But make it worst someone...

Sigh... I really wish you will be happy like when I see you...
Why can't you just smile like when you see me?
I really wish to see you smile once again...

Or... Should I just leave you there?
Sigh... why I have to come to such stage?

Today I'm accidentally be an idiot again
Hahaha...
Smirk is what can I do...
No?

Oh no...
I cried again...
I ask myself not to cry...
I pass myself a tissue to wipe my tear...
All have to do by myself...

Erm? What do you expect?
Nobody will cure your heart
But only yourself can do

I know I know
It sad you broke the heart by other
But you have to patch it back by yourself

But you ah...
Really stupid
Why you always pass the heart to someone you shouldn't?
That is your problem ma after all...
You can blame no one la...

Get up get up...
Patch your heart back
Before anyone can see your heart broken once again
It's shame you know? for a guy like you
Please la, care about your pride la~ xD

Thx...
But can it be a little bit longer...?
I miss that feeling...

I don't understand

I don't understand too
Not only you

Since we both know
What is bad
What is good

Why
You still love the bad thing
I'm still repeat the thing hurt me

Like example
You told me
Everything start from bad
Yea
I have start from bad too
I know you have start from bad too
So it's time to go for good
So I treat you my best
But instead, you have done the bad thing to me
You repeat the bad thing now
But you have the reason, because you have Calvin already

But comes to this situation
You know Calvin treat you better than Jessica
Why you leave Calvin and go for a bad thing who hurts you?
This is quite weird here...
Don't you should choose for the good thing?
Since Calvin is your real boyfriend
You are having double standard
Calvin treat you well， but you choose Jessica
I treat you well, but you choose Calvin and Jessica
Really don't understand

You know what is bad,
But you keep continue repeat the bad thing?
Erm... Weird...

You keep say
"Nobody ask you to be perfect" To me
But
Isn't you keep complain?
The goal you complain isn't wish that one you complain will be better?
Or you just complain for fun?
Weird...
Like you complain Jessica
You don't wish her treat you better at all?
You just want to complain that's all?
I don't think so, you're asking people to be perfect too

I love you
Because you let other people hurt before
I thought you understand the feeling of hurt
So you won't hurt me as you know how it feels like.
But just, I'm wrong, you are just like the other people who keep repeat the fault.

We always complain this world is corrupted
But do we really not involved inside the corruption?
I dare to say
I don't, because I do my best to cure the corruption
But in the end I'm hurt by the effort I paid
And sooner because the despair I gains I'm going involve in the corruption
But can you say you don't ruin the world?
Because if like what you said to me and what you done to me
You're the one who ruins this world too

Hold you read this
And understand
Because someday
You might feel the same feel as I'm feeling right now also
What comes around, goes around

I'm happy that you feel guilty that day
Because that's the owner I know
But
She just gone away so fast
She is the one who really happy and able to make me smile

You're not, you're not happy
You should know yourself
You're actually feeling lonely and hurt inside too
You can't listen to me
Because you will think what I said means you
But actually, it's truth
Because you're one of the people that destroy all the good thing I try hard to build

Cry... non-stop crying
As I must stop my love to someone I love...

This is not what I want...
This is really something not I want...
I want to love you...
I want to love you so much...

Why?
Am I doing not good enough?

Please
I don't wanna to write any sad blog anymore...
Please...
I just want to be happy...
Please...

Why in the end
Everyone leaves?

4years
I can wait
As long as it is worth
I will wait ^^

Future Plan

After all the stories passed away
After I have given up on my plans for years
I'm start on my new life again
I'm start to plan again for my future
I'm start to believe again in future

So here areeeeee my newwwwwwww plans~
After all the time I go through
I understand my plan shouldn't depends on single person anymore
And also most important is don't let it depends on your partner!!
We will never know when they will change their mind!!
Don't make your plan depends on other!!
Then the success and failure rate of your plan left unknown!!
You will left your future vague!!

Even though, we are not and shouldn't alone
Sometimes is good to stick with other too
Group achievement is way better than self achievement ^^
Some of the plans below may include other people
But as well as it involved other people
I won't really expect much and it must be succeed like last time
Just believe it, that's all I do ^^

Independent Plans:
1.Work in Station One as Assistant Supervisor
(This is less favorite now because the true goal for it
Is to help that girl who is not worth for me to help.
A plan which is related to love, quite troublesome.
Anyway it can gains some experience for management area,
it's good for my future too. So I just included it inside my plan.)

2.Work in Komputer Megastore as Technician/Sales
(As what I wish last time, go back my old working place
And learn everything I can learn over there to gains experience
It will be a nice place for me though, just depends whether I want or not xD
But I wish to earn money faster, so this is still considering
As I have to take 1~2years to stay over there.)

3.Amway
4.Prudential Insurance
(These two might be the good way to earn fast money
But problem is I'm lack of friends right now
It's harder for me to start for now
So I just left this plan behind until I feel it's the right time)

5.Computer Service
(As long as I get any computer who want to repair xD)

~Update afterward for Dependant Plans!!~

I like when she said "sayang you" after I help her
Hope she is really telling the truth
Expect to be with her so muchhhhh
Hehehe XD

New life gonna being with you~~
Please God really give me a new chance
I will do all my best to catch the chance this time

Please show me she is someone I should love~~ ^^

Last Day

Today is the last day in the college
Finally this day has reached
I have waited for 2years and half to embrace this day
But
It doesn't as happy as I expected...

Last year until now
I live quite a confuse life...
I take around 1 year to overcome such a confusion
It's not really 100% recovered now
But at least
I have control on myself again
Only I have to rest some days
Go somewhere
Do what I wish do what I want

I have spent too much time on a lot of stupid love event
I have wasted too much time to treat other better but suffer myself
But I know I can't blame any other
Because this is the path I choose
Although I have forsaken everything of me
That's what I choose to be

I'm kidding with my studies life
The diploma certificate I will get is a low grade
But since I have done such a thing
I should don't look back now

This is the last day I left in college
And the new day I gonna being on the new life

So don't look back now
It's time to step forward
Left all the sorrow behind my back
I will redemption my fault with my future days!

Secrets

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til' all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

+Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away+

My god, amazing how we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news
All the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises
Just write it into an album
Singing straight, too cold
I don't really like my flow, no, so

repeat +

Oh, got no reason, got not shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'mma tell you everything

*So tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away*

repeat *
All my secrets away, All my secrets away

-------------------------------------------
My life is getting fucking boring
So tell me what you want to know
Like all those time
I gonna give my secret away
And start another one new life

Bury

Golden Lock that marks our history
It's time to rest in the treasure box
I will carry you no more

No matter how tight I hold it in my hand
No matter how deep the words carve on the surface
It's all past and history now

No matter how much of happiest we possess before
It must be let go once it becomes sadness

My dream once realized
I once hugged and kissed you

No matter how long it has passed
It doesn't stop my tears when I remind the love on you again
Although how much I desire I can love you once again
But I know it's impossible
We both have to move on to the different path

I allow my heart to break once more
Before the Golden Lock drop into my treasure box
And bury in the past

After this
I wish not to remember I'm Coconut before
I wish not to remember I'm Neko before
All those memories
Please don't be remind again

I wish
This is one last cry for you
I have taken so long time and wasted so much thing to used to the days without you
I wish not to return to the sadness days once more

You know what I need
But we both know
Mushroom and owner-sama have leave
They will never return anymore
I don't want be alone and wait for them
I have cried so much
I have begged so much

I want to be happy
Even without you
I want to love myself more now

If you don't love, please leave

If you don't love that people
Please leave
That's the best of the worst for them

Because they know they love you
But they can't have you

You stay with them
They will still love you
Do everything for you
Even that hurts them much
They won't complain
But they will live their days in hell because of your selfishness

You have already be selfish for once
Please don't be selfish for more
Please don't hurt them anymore

You still expect people treat you so good when you don't want to give anything?
You might enjoy the goodness they gave you
But do you ever notice the tear that fall behind their smiley mask?

If you really love them
Don't leave them
But if you don't
Please leave
You might feel a little bit sad for lost a great friend
But how can your sorrow compare to those who lost their love?

You shoulda know
From the time you choose to leave them in vain
From the time you choose to break their heart
You should already took the risk to lost their greater love on you too

If a guy/girl you love just in front of you
But you know
No matter how much you do
No matter how deep you love
No matter how people hurt them
You will never have them
How will you feel?

Please
Don't be so selfish
You don't love
But people do
You might feel happy with unpaid gift
You might feel happy with no give but still gain
But how much effort that a person has to pay to buy you a gift?
But how much tears that a person has to fall behind to make you smile?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
People always ask, why can't a lover be a friend after broke?
But do you notice? Those who ask this question
Mostly are those who choose to leave at first

If you really understand how they are feeling
You will never ask the same question anymore

Some of those couples can be friend after broke
But do they really happy?
Or do they really love each other before?

As I know
A person can never be friend again with who s/he really loves
Because
Nothing can be harder than you have to hide all of the sorrow within you
And act smile in front of who you love

Because
If you love that person,
make them unhappy means the most evil thing for you
But they don't love you,
they won't think about this, they won't care about this
So in the end?
You will being a stupid who bears all the pain by yourself

Why have to live such suffer days?
Sometimes leave is better than anything you can do
Because you know you can't do anything anymore

Hate Documentation

After graduate
I must not face computer for one month if no needed
I swear!
Damn hate the computer screen now
Damn hate typing the keyboard right now~~

Ahh~~ I want go out play basketball la T_T

Parallel Lines 平行线

不過是暫時擱淺　受過的傷終能復原
找新的起點　從今天 不想再把路繞遠
卻總是擦肩　總是心中描繪的畫面
遇不上一個對的人實現　怎麼找到永遠
卻總是忽略　忽略身邊平凡的一切
去追逐不切實際的明天　繼續和真愛走在平行線

Found this few lines of lyric is meaningful
As we always pursuit the dream we picture in our mind
If there's always lack of someone to realize it
How long that we have to spend or wait to achieve our dream?

Or just
We always pursuit for the unrealistic dream in our mind
Pass over the one who care about us truthfully
So that the end we just live in the vain?

Maybe at that time we will say
"I won't regret"
But as the time passing over
Our lifespan left much little and little
Finally we will found that we're wrong

Don't let that day happened my friend
If you really have the good thing
Cherish, and appreciate
Don't say you cherish, appreciate, and love when you don't
You must do it, instead of saying
Don't always left those who care about you and love you
On the other parallel line
So close but will never has a connection with your path

It might be too late
When you regret
Don't let that day comes to you okie?

Don't live in vain
Unrealistic dream not worth for you to pursuit


Don't you (O) always left X and Y (Those who love and care about you)
Over the other parallel line ok?

Don't Let Your Chance Lost Away

Yesterday might be lost
But today is a new start
Always believe tomorrow is a better day

People passby everyday
Some who already passed
No point for you to waste your strength to hold them down
You know you can never catch the past
But you have the power to build your days ahead
No matter if it succeed or don't
You have to try
So that you will not regret in the future

Time, it won't flow back
And fortunately
Because it doesn't have to repeat

Time gone
Memories stay
Maybe it causes some sorrow and grieve for your entire life
But that's your life evidence
It proves that you once lives

Friends leave
Lover leave
Because it's the time
For you to have a new life
A life to have true friend
A life to have true lover
A true friend, they will never leave you
A true lover, they will never abandon you
Those who leave
Is worthless for you to keep

Keep some real friends
Hold your true lover
Quality always better than quantity

Do you found those? My friend?
Remember, if you already have those, you're lucky
Don't let your luck goes away.
Some chances, only arise once in your life.