I can be much more stronger...

"I want to travel after my SPM!"

"Haha it's good, I dreamed to do it last time, but I didn't do that"

"Nvm you still young you can do it!"

"Then I think I have to travel alone xD"

"Travel with your partner!"

"I once planned to travel with her the end of this year... But..."

One of msn friend suddenly talk about this

I thought about you...

But in facebook chat, in front of you...

I hold my mouth...

Do not say I love you...

I hold my hand...

Do not type I love you...

Sorry for so much

Sorry I love you still...

But I won't tell you...

I keep try my best to act in front of you...

I won't let you know

I still love you...

Sorry I love you...

I think I can bear it...

Just like how I did last time...

I can did it again...

I can be much more stronger...

Even I'm crying like rain fall in front of LCD...

At the other side of you...

You will never know...

I don't want you know, I'm sad because of you...

That's what I can do for you still...

Sorry for how much I want to tell you

"I Love You"

I still want to travel with you...

Will God give me such a chance?

P/s:

A guy who keep crying makes people feel irritate right?

So just keep smile... even you are suffer...

There might be no one love your smile

But surely there is no one love your tear...^^

Forgiven and Forgotten

Please ask yourself...

Have you ever let someone to hurt deeply?

Have you ever pay all of yourself to someone...

And that person choose to turn around on you...?

Have you ever want to hate someone so much...

But you don't know how can you hate them?

Have you ever fell in this dilemma?

Forgiven, is such a beautiful word

It's like a perfection

You can say it, write it, but can you do it?

The scar, will be always there...

You can choose to ignore it...

Close your eyes...

Don't see it...

And treat it as you have already forgive that person who hurt you...

But still... you can feel it... you can feel the pain always

Whenever someone try to touch that scar again...

It will be always the shadow for you...

Forgiven, is not Forgotten...

This experience,

Will always be a shadow of your life

Whenever someone seem to do the same

It makes you feel pain...

You are become protective

You are become doubtfulness

You heart has built a wall for it

So that no one can touch that scar

And it makes, love can't heal that scar too...

Because love can never go through a high wall that you build for protection...

If you ever hurt...

Do understand

It takes how much courage

To forgive someone who hurt you

To pursuit your heart accept the scar that person left on you

To bear the pain so much so much...

That you can't hate 'em...

Because you know, you love 'em...

Forget... it's such a stupid word...

If human can choose what to be forgotten...

If you ever hurt somebody

You ask him to forget

That would be easier for you

Because the one who bear the scar is not you

If someone ever hurt you

And you ask to be forgotten and forgiven...

What do you feel...? Ridiculous...?

If you ever hurt somebody...

Please don't ask him to put down

Please don't ask him to forgive

Please don't ask him to forget...

If he ever say yes... it just a big lie over there...

You have already hurt him once...

Please don't force him to hurt himself too for twice...

He paid all for you... even his pride... his freedom...

Is all for you...

You denied all of those...

And you ask him to forget about what he has done...

You are surely to be kidding...

Because the one who pay, not you...

Human, no matter how hard they try to do

They will never be God

Forgive and Forget to hurt that someone even make to them

It's a perfection

It's a God's work

Something that human can't achieve

They can act nothing at all

They can still smile to you

They can always help you

They can always accompany you

But their heart are bleeding under their smiley mask

You will never know

Because you never care about it

They will never tell you too

Because they know you will not care about it

Even they only exist when you need them

Still they doesn't turn their back on you

Because

They are those who really love you

Which make them can't hate you

Like you father and mother

They never leave you

Even you kill them

If you ever want somebody to forget and forgive

Please ask yourself first

Can you do it?

If you don't want somebody to feel pain for you

Please

Don't hurt them.

Please don't apologize

It doesn't compensate anything

You left a scar on their heart

Sometimes that will probably influence whole of their life

You won't know

If you ever lie somebody

Maybe s/he will never trust anyone again

If you ever fail somebody

Maybe s/he will never love again

If you ever hurt somebody

You might just create a criminal that will do the same like you

This is a Sin

Humanity is not an excuse

We born to be doing better

Not to follow the ugly flow.

Please don't tell me these words

Unless you show me you can do that

If not you're just bullshit

Envy...

"Why u disappointed me too?"

Huh...? Why my tear fall down when I send this message?

*Sniff sniff*

*Tissue wipe away*

I have already know who you are...

And I understand you will never be the one I wish...

But maybe...

In the deeper of my heart...

I still hope you're the one who won't disappoint me...

That's why he feels sad...

A real hurt inside my heart...

That can never be denied...

I'm not blame...

I really don't...

But just sigh...

Why you are the another one who failed my hope...

I just wish you're different than Chris and Phei Chi...

Why I'm so down again...?

Maybe... I just so envy of you...

You are having all the things I wanted for so long

I have done for so much...

Just to get those things you have now...

Maybe it's shame a guy compare with a girl...

But just I feel so angry and unfair...

This girl she does nothing much in my eyes...

How can her deserved so much?

Still she wants to blame so much...

And I did everything my best...

Why I have nothing at all in the end?

I can't blame at all because I feel it's childish...

So ridiculous... I even envy on you in the end...

I still believe...

I will deserved the real happiness in the end...

God... Wish you will see me...

I'm still doing my best...

You're the one I care

But...

Can't deny that...

I have already treat you the same like other...

Just the another rubbish...

And I feel sad...

Because I really wish...

You will not be rubbish in my mind...

But what to do...

You did all the things I hate...

Even I loved you so much...

I want to treat you so good also...

The bad image you left in my mind...

It will never fade away...

And you didn't even try to erase it off...

You didn't even cherish the relationship I try my best to last...

You know? You hurt me before...

And I try my best to forgive you...

Don't ask me to forget...

Unless you able to move the scar on my heart...

It will always be there...

You understand it...

I just able to forgive you once slashed on my heart...

But I can't rub off the scar on my heart...

Because I love you so much before...

Sorry Felicia

I keep run away from the fact...

I love you but...

I know...

I can't forget how these two girls hurt me still...

And I always doubt you will do the same on me...

You ask me not to do that but...

I really can't...

That's why... you feel unsafe...

And run away from me...

Maybe... I'm the one who really hurt you...

I'm the one who really failed you...

God, I will try my best...

I know I shouldn't complain so much...

I will do what I can do...

Just wish my heart doesn't alone anymore...

I really need some accompaniment sometimes...

Pathetic Apologize

Opps...

I'm sorry...

I forget I only exist when you need something from me.

Resignation

Today, I resigned

Heavy rain on the way back

I'm wet by the rain

I'm thinking along the way back

"What I want actually?"

Feel so empty...

"I know... I know what I want... But..."

My tear is falling...

"Shit... I'm so weak..."

I will work hard

I will study hard

But will you see it?

Inception

If you live a long time over there

Will you still able to differentiate dream and reality?

If you can ever live in your perfect dream that you build

Will you ever want to wake up again?

If you have the ability to build the dream

What will you do?

Inception, Extraction, or build an everlasting dream for yourself?

If that's me, I think I won't get out from the dream

To live in the reality I hate

I rather believe dream is reality

If Cobb didn't have son and daughter in the reality

Will he able to pull him out from the dream by himself?

Frankly speaking...

I always wonder is this life a reality or illusion?

Are the things around me is fake or truth?

I feel so unsafe, so unstable, so doubtful to my environment

I ever think I'm not existed in truth...

Am I just keep living in this fake world?

A world that I don't like somehow...

I think this is why I feel the inception is easy to understand to me...

I'm having the same thought about this movie...

And my personality, is close to Mal...

I want to wake up...

Believing this world is just a dream of me

That's why I not trust to everything here...

Everything is fake...

And the only way for me to wake up is...

I kill myself in this dream...

No... I shouldn't continue this thought...

It will leads me into destruction...

My brain is so pain... After all this thought...

If I able to incept some seed of idea in my mind...

Won't it fine also...?

It can change whole of me... into another person...

So I won't be so suffer anymore...

I might lose myself entirely...

But at least I won't realized it...

I don't know...

This is so confuse...

Am I actually living?

Or I'm just in a nightmare...

If that's it...

Please wake me up with a Kick.

X Strong

Neko hide in the rain

So no one actually see he is crying

I'm hide in the darkness

So no one could see my chest actually bleeding

I'm not strong

I just build a tall iron wall to protect my fragile heart

Complain useless

Because it can't bring back my happiness

My heart is still broken fragments

It won't be cured unless I pick it up by myself alone again

Because I knew

She is not around anymore

Except accept this fact silently

Nothing that I can do

I have done my best

I have tried my best to love

I still believe love

But now

I afraid I no more can believe any other people can show me the love I wish

I'm not giving up my heart

But just afraid everything is fake in the end

As I pay so much of heart in the fake that I thought is real..

So... I rather be pathetic and coward

Hide my heart in the safety place

Wish the hurt will never repeat again

I find no one who can really keep my heart nicely

Still... no one...

Those three people I trusted so much before...

All have failed me... left my heart fallen with no mercy...

I don't want to let more people to fail me...

I afraid in one day...

I can never trust again... I can never love again...

I can never be myself again...

I'm not strong... I'm not cool...

Just those past build me up a high iron wall

That blocks external damage

But also, keep me in an alone region.

I wish I will found the light

But why is my heart feel so dark even so much I have tried...?

Still... I can barely see the light...

Warrior of Life

Do not surrender

No matter how bad the situation is

This world might be a ruin

Filled up by darkness

But no matter how

The light must left

Although this heart has broke into fragments

Nobody will help

I will pick it up piece by piece by myself

No matter how hurt is this lonely path

The heart will be fixed one day by me alone

Believing all these will somebody cherish one day

Believing all these will be seen by people one day

Believing all these will be worthy one day

Even my life destined to be sorrow and grieve because of disappointment

"I left no regret to my life" will be on my tombstone.

Hands won't let go my sword

Even my body and heart has corrupted

The will of fight will be left over

"You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period." - Pursuit of Happyness

Miss You

Every people live their path

Every people live their path

Some people can't make it

Doesn't mean you can't do it

Don't have to care about what people talks

Just do your best!

Even with no good end

At least you can say you have tried!

Rather than those who never try

And just stand there complain

I complain

And I have the right to do so!

That's what I'm proud on myself

I will be strong and stronger

One day even I don't get a good end

I won't complain

I will keep it all in myself

And step ahead

That day

I will be a really tough one

This world is too pathetic

Even it's taking my life

I won't surrender myself to this pathetic world

If that's must

I rather suicide

That's all

That's me

Everyone live their own path

And I'm born to live the different one

I know someday I will meet someone like me

Who can hold my hand and walk the same path with me

And I will never be alone again

Somewhere in this world

I know there is a soulmate to me

Just the problem of time

The time haven't come yet

I'm believing.

The feeling someday it will pour back by someone destined to be

Only in love, the feeling is needed

In this world, the feeling is needless

Kind and care just put aside

Until I meet someone who deserve it

Smile no matter what...

Now I realized...

When I feel lonely...

I want to find someone to chat...

There really don't have one...

Everyone is busy for their studies...

For their game...

For their partner...

For any stuff...

But not for me...

I spend too much time on the one I love...

And lost all the friends I have...

But my love never cherish what I have done for them...

Most of the people after break...

They have friends will be around them still...

But I have to stand by my own...

Face all the things by my own...

Because I was spending too much of myself to my love...

Sometimes... I wonder... Issit worthy?

I never regret to be with them and pay all my best...

Even no one ask me to do that...

I'm doing my best as I'm trying to do all the right thing no matter how...

I don't care what others tell... I'm fighting for the long lasting relationship...

I even said that I need no friend but only someone care about me...

In the end... It's become a gamble...

A unworthy gamble...

That I bet myself on the table of love...

All In for this gambling...

When I lose, I will lose everything...

Argh... it's okie...

As I all in, I have prepared for this end isn't it?

I'm used to be loser in my life...

Nevermind...

Even no one can beside me...

I will stand up by myself...

I don't like to show others I'm weak also...

I will still do my best...

Regardless of what others' talks...

I will be the all winner in the end...

Even I lose again...

At least I can said

I'm the one who tried to be the best in this world...

I'm different with others...

No matter what...

Sorrow... Emptiness...

I will take it over... Hang on my shoulder and keep going...

I will tell others...

Even with this weigh I have taken...

I will not be beaten down!

Smile... No matter what...

Even you're not happy in fact...

Hiding and lying to self is the best tools to overcome all the things...^^

Vanitas

Vanitas

Which means "Emptiness" in Latin

I'm used to talk and smile

But the emptiness in heart never filled up

Even I wish someone can fill up the hole in my heart

But I have already used to be alone

OR I just can't find anyone to fill this up for me anymore

Being so tough already

Doesn't need anybody comfort and accompany

(It's good if have? haha xD)

But the my heart has already been emptied

Innate Personality

I'm like a cat

It's like an innate personality

I can make no change

I love to live like a cat

I love to act like a cat

Love to manja the one I love

Love to play and kacao people with my paw

A cat which is loyalty

A cat which loves water

"I'm a neko soul who is hidden under a human body...

Waiting for someone who I can manja forever...

For so long I have wander around the city alone...

Yet I believe there will be somewhere belong to me...

And there will be someone that will revive and take care of my soul...

I will finally be a neko without hiding once again...

Meowie... ^^"

Humanoid

God is crying

But I'm no longer have my tear

After all I have done

It's all just a stupid effort which nobody cares

Sorry

I have lost my heart

I'm no longer the man I was

Even I can tell you all about this

I feel no sadness

It's all emptiness left

I'm no longer lovely...

Just a human

Without a heart.

If this is how the world should be

God

Please don't make me into this world next time

You gave me an angel heart

But I'm not angel anyhow.

It just meant to break over here.

Dying Wish

God bless me

Not letting me being a heartless angel