Envy...

"Why u disappointed me too?"

Huh...? Why my tear fall down when I send this message?

*Sniff sniff*

*Tissue wipe away*

I have already know who you are...

And I understand you will never be the one I wish...

But maybe...

In the deeper of my heart...

I still hope you're the one who won't disappoint me...

That's why he feels sad...

A real hurt inside my heart...

That can never be denied...

I'm not blame...

I really don't...

But just sigh...

Why you are the another one who failed my hope...

I just wish you're different than Chris and Phei Chi...

Why I'm so down again...?

Maybe... I just so envy of you...

You are having all the things I wanted for so long

I have done for so much...

Just to get those things you have now...

Maybe it's shame a guy compare with a girl...

But just I feel so angry and unfair...

This girl she does nothing much in my eyes...

How can her deserved so much?

Still she wants to blame so much...

And I did everything my best...

Why I have nothing at all in the end?

I can't blame at all because I feel it's childish...

So ridiculous... I even envy on you in the end...

I still believe...

I will deserved the real happiness in the end...

God... Wish you will see me...

I'm still doing my best...

You're the one I care

But...

Can't deny that...

I have already treat you the same like other...

Just the another rubbish...

And I feel sad...

Because I really wish...

You will not be rubbish in my mind...

But what to do...

You did all the things I hate...

Even I loved you so much...

I want to treat you so good also...

The bad image you left in my mind...

It will never fade away...

And you didn't even try to erase it off...

You didn't even cherish the relationship I try my best to last...

You know? You hurt me before...

And I try my best to forgive you...

Don't ask me to forget...

Unless you able to move the scar on my heart...

It will always be there...

You understand it...

I just able to forgive you once slashed on my heart...

But I can't rub off the scar on my heart...

Because I love you so much before...

Sorry Felicia

I keep run away from the fact...

I love you but...

I know...

I can't forget how these two girls hurt me still...

And I always doubt you will do the same on me...

You ask me not to do that but...

I really can't...

That's why... you feel unsafe...

And run away from me...

Maybe... I'm the one who really hurt you...

I'm the one who really failed you...

God, I will try my best...

I know I shouldn't complain so much...

I will do what I can do...

Just wish my heart doesn't alone anymore...

I really need some accompaniment sometimes...

Pathetic Apologize

Opps...

I'm sorry...

I forget I only exist when you need something from me.

Resignation

Today, I resigned

Heavy rain on the way back

I'm wet by the rain

I'm thinking along the way back

"What I want actually?"

Feel so empty...

"I know... I know what I want... But..."

My tear is falling...

"Shit... I'm so weak..."

I will work hard

I will study hard

But will you see it?

Inception

If you live a long time over there

Will you still able to differentiate dream and reality?

If you can ever live in your perfect dream that you build

Will you ever want to wake up again?

If you have the ability to build the dream

What will you do?

Inception, Extraction, or build an everlasting dream for yourself?

If that's me, I think I won't get out from the dream

To live in the reality I hate

I rather believe dream is reality

If Cobb didn't have son and daughter in the reality

Will he able to pull him out from the dream by himself?

Frankly speaking...

I always wonder is this life a reality or illusion?

Are the things around me is fake or truth?

I feel so unsafe, so unstable, so doubtful to my environment

I ever think I'm not existed in truth...

Am I just keep living in this fake world?

A world that I don't like somehow...

I think this is why I feel the inception is easy to understand to me...

I'm having the same thought about this movie...

And my personality, is close to Mal...

I want to wake up...

Believing this world is just a dream of me

That's why I not trust to everything here...

Everything is fake...

And the only way for me to wake up is...

I kill myself in this dream...

No... I shouldn't continue this thought...

It will leads me into destruction...

My brain is so pain... After all this thought...

If I able to incept some seed of idea in my mind...

Won't it fine also...?

It can change whole of me... into another person...

So I won't be so suffer anymore...

I might lose myself entirely...

But at least I won't realized it...

I don't know...

This is so confuse...

Am I actually living?

Or I'm just in a nightmare...

If that's it...

Please wake me up with a Kick.

X Strong

Neko hide in the rain

So no one actually see he is crying

I'm hide in the darkness

So no one could see my chest actually bleeding

I'm not strong

I just build a tall iron wall to protect my fragile heart

Complain useless

Because it can't bring back my happiness

My heart is still broken fragments

It won't be cured unless I pick it up by myself alone again

Because I knew

She is not around anymore

Except accept this fact silently

Nothing that I can do

I have done my best

I have tried my best to love

I still believe love

But now

I afraid I no more can believe any other people can show me the love I wish

I'm not giving up my heart

But just afraid everything is fake in the end

As I pay so much of heart in the fake that I thought is real..

So... I rather be pathetic and coward

Hide my heart in the safety place

Wish the hurt will never repeat again

I find no one who can really keep my heart nicely

Still... no one...

Those three people I trusted so much before...

All have failed me... left my heart fallen with no mercy...

I don't want to let more people to fail me...

I afraid in one day...

I can never trust again... I can never love again...

I can never be myself again...

I'm not strong... I'm not cool...

Just those past build me up a high iron wall

That blocks external damage

But also, keep me in an alone region.

I wish I will found the light

But why is my heart feel so dark even so much I have tried...?

Still... I can barely see the light...

Warrior of Life

Do not surrender

No matter how bad the situation is

This world might be a ruin

Filled up by darkness

But no matter how

The light must left

Although this heart has broke into fragments

Nobody will help

I will pick it up piece by piece by myself

No matter how hurt is this lonely path

The heart will be fixed one day by me alone

Believing all these will somebody cherish one day

Believing all these will be seen by people one day

Believing all these will be worthy one day

Even my life destined to be sorrow and grieve because of disappointment

"I left no regret to my life" will be on my tombstone.

Hands won't let go my sword

Even my body and heart has corrupted

The will of fight will be left over

"You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period." - Pursuit of Happyness